Dangerously Cheesy

Author: Nomelon

Pairing: Riley/Xander

Rating: R

Spoilers: nope

Summary: "Riley. C'mon. Cheetos? Nobody gets turned on by Cheetos. It's just not natural."

Author's notes: For velvetwhip who asked for: Hmm...I'm kind of in the mood for some Xander/Riley (don't ask). Maybe with Cheetos... I, uh, hope this is acceptable. Cheetos, man. I had to RESEARCH CHEETOS. *hands*

Disclaimer: all belongs to Joss

~~~

Jay and Silent Bob were old friends, tried and true. They never let Xander down, and they never failed to suck him in. He was powerless to resist their foulmouthed siren song. He hadn't meant to start watching, really he hadn't. He had things, very important things that he'd intended to do with his Saturday afternoon. The TV had been on since he got up, little more than background noise, but when he'd caught sight of the opening credits of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, he'd drifted over to watch. Somehow he'd ended up sprawled out on the couch, a beer in one hand, and a bag of Cheetos balanced on his stomach. He had crumbs all over his chest, and his entire fist was stained a lurid shade of orange not commonly found in nature. He grinned along with dialogue he knew by heart, wiggling his toes happily, and slugging occasionally from his beer.

Riley was sitting across the room, doing something very manly with several wicked-looking knives and a whetting stone. Xander had been meaning to offer to help, really he had, but there was beer to be drunk, and lazing to be done, and it was really hard to concentrate on anything other than not snorting beer up his nose when Jay couldn't believe he was going to get some pussy for stealing a monkey. Besides, Riley tended to get very Zen when he was sharpening things, so often Xander just left him to it.

Xander was peripherally aware of the heavy clunk of metal as Riley set down whatever knife he was working on, then the distant clinking sound of more beer being fetched from the kitchen.

Riley came and sat on the edge of the couch, tipping a fresh beer in Xander's general direction. Xander accepted it with a smile of thanks. He scooted back a little, turning his hips to make room for Riley, and managed to spill Cheetos all over himself in the process. He grabbed at the bag to stop more from spilling out, and held it up.

"You want?"

Riley shook his head, but he took the bag from Xander's hand anyway, setting it on the coffee table, out of harm's way. Good thing about living with a guy: they were less likely to ball you out when you got crumbs all over the furniture. The two of them sat in companionable silence for a while, scavenging Cheetos off Xander's chest. Xander took an awkward sideways sip of beer, and tried to go back to watching the movie. This turned out to be kind of hard when they both made a play for the same Cheeto. An incredibly cute and completely retarded miniature tug of war played out. Xander bit on his lip until he couldn't hold in his laughter any longer, and gave up, gallant to the last, letting Riley win.

Riley stared at the little orange stick he held between finger and thumb. He looked at Xander, and back at the Cheeto. With an air of gravity, he broke it in two, tossed his half in his mouth, and solemnly offered the other half to Xander. Xander just opened his mouth, and tried to look endearingly expectant as his eyes slid back to the television, hoping he wasn't coming off too much like a baby bird. There was an art to true lazing, he'd found, and it involved getting other people to do the hard work for you.

Riley snorted, but dutifully placed the Cheeto on Xander's tongue. He brushed stray crumbs off Xander's chin, and rolled his eyes fondly when Xander beamed, chewing with his mouth open.

Xander could feel Riley's eyes on him, no interest whatsoever in rewatching a movie Xander had inflicted on him half a dozen times already. Riley picked up Xander's bright orange hand from where it was curled lax on Xander's stomach, and toyed with his fingers. It was kind of relaxing; nice to have Riley right there, within touching distance.

The sensation of Riley's lips and tongue, warm and soft against Xander's knuckle, made Xander's breath catch.

Riley had always had an above average oral fixation, something Xander had absolutely zero problem with. Riley had a real thing about feeding Xander with his hands: pieces of fruit or chocolate, his fingertips lingering on Xander's lips as he chewed or sucked, his hand wrapped loosely around Xander's throat as he swallowed, kissing him afterwards to lick the taste out of his mouth. It didn't stop there. Xander wore a permanent scattering of bruises under his clothes from when Riley mouthed and bit and sucked at him. They'd had a very interesting night a month or so back, getting stinking drunk solely from doing a whole lot of very inventive bodyshots, decimating the meagre contents of their liquor cabinet, and ruining several square feet of carpet. The crippling hangover Xander had suffered through the next day had totally been worth it.

Xander got it. Before he'd hooked up with Riley and they'd started doing their thing, he hadn't known he was that guy, but he got it. He knew it made Riley crazy when Xander used his teeth. He loved it when Riley got him messy and sticky, dirtying him up. He liked it even better when Riley lost control a little. Loved the greedy noises he made, the way he held Xander down, greedy for Xander's mouth, his skin. The way Riley made a meal of him, savouring every mouthful.

But there were some things Xander just didn't get.

"You're a freak, you know that?"

Riley only smirked, and nipped at the fleshy part of Xander's thumb. He sucked the thumb into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, like he was trying to suck off the orange stain that Xander knew from experience would be tattooed to his skin for a long time to come. Riley ran his tongue over Xander's palm -- which really tickled -- and used his teeth to pull gently at the skin of Xander's wrist, then moved in for a real kiss.

Xander blindly set his beer on the floor, and dragged Riley in closer. They wriggled around on the couch without breaking their kiss, trying to find room for both of them to lie comfortably. Riley settled between Xander's thighs, lying half on top of him, a warm, comforting, familiar weight. Xander tucked his leg around the back of Riley's thighs, feeling the hardness of tensed muscle, and nudged up into their kiss with his whole body. The heat between them was making him sweat, the cotton of their t-shirts damp where their bellies were pressed together.

"I'm serious," Xander said, as Riley licked the corner of his mouth. Xander tilted his head to give Riley room to work as he moved down to kiss and bite at the length of Xander's throat. Riley found the sweet spot just under Xander's ear that made his toes curl, and Xander shivered. He closed his eyes, and started up a slow grind of their hips. "I mean, I don't mind, but I am serious. You score very high on the freaky scale."

Riley lifted his head. "How so?"

Xander grinned. Riley's cheeks were pink, and his hair was sticking up in all directions. Xander loved when Riley's hair stuck up in all directions. Make out hair was fantastic, but bedhead was where it was at. Riley with bedhead got Xander stupidly, ridiculously hot.

"Riley. C'mon. Cheetos? Nobody gets turned on by Cheetos. It's just not natural."

"Maybe I have a thing for orange skin," Riley said with his lips resting on Xander's jaw, his tongue darting out to taste.

"In that case, I can name at least three demons off the top of my head that you really need to meet." Riley just grumbled something against Xander's collarbone, sneaking his hand up underneath Xander's shirt. He shifted around a little, getting a better angle to line up their hips, squashing Xander further into the cushions. Xander smiled over the top of his head. "It's okay. I'm here to feed your kink. I can work with a junk food kink, trust me. I'm here to make it allll better."

Riley lifted his head for another kiss, made it messy and hot, leaving Xander breathless and squirming. Everything tasted like beer and Riley and Cheetos: an awesome combination. "Is that better?" Riley asked, in close, and it was all Xander could do to nod raggedly. "You ever think it's you I have a thing for?" Riley murmured into his mouth, curling his tongue behind Xander's teeth.

"Thought might have crossed my mind."

Riley's eyes were dark and serious as he dragged his thumb down over Xander's lower lip. When he spoke, his voice was low and personal. "Jesus, Xander. It's all you. Your mouth. Man, you have no idea."

Xander mirrored the way Riley was touching him, his hand on Riley's face, his eyes tracking Riley's bottom lip as it caught a little on the pad of his thumb. Xander took a quick little in-out breath when the tip of Riley's tongue slid out to taste his skin.

"It's true," Xander said in his best secret agent voice. "I am dangerously cheesy."

Riley buried his face in the curve of Xander's shoulder. He was fighting it, but Xander could feel his laughter rumbling up through his ribcage. "Would you mind not being not being such an incredible dork when I'm trying to get laid?" Riley asked, his voice muffled.

"I can't help it. You set the tone with your Cheetos sex, buddy. We've got nowhere to go but down."

"That can be arranged," Riley said, moving down Xander's body, pulling his shirt over his head, and opening Xander's fly on the way down.

Xander watched Riley's progress with interest, sighing and licking his lips at the sight of Riley's broad, bare shoulders, at Riley's mouth on the low muscle of his belly.

Xander caught sight of a last stray Cheeto, looking slightly the worse for wear, clinging gamely to his shirt. He tossed it into his mouth, munching happily. There may have been better ways to spend a Saturday afternoon, and certainly ones that involved less cheesy cornmeal snacks, but right at that moment, Xander couldn't think of a single one.

End.